A fan site dedicated to the worst product from the U of M

Night 1 – Hollywood:  Another night of complete horse shit.  The show peaked with its first performer, this chickdude pictured below doing a hot Meatloaf track while sweating profusely.  If I could use two words to describe his lead in and performance, I’d go with fucking awkward.  So thanks for that AI.

From there, we got a random honky doing karate scenes on a rooftop and several Adam Lambert lookalikes.  AI was kind enough to not even give a glimpse of a real contestant the first night.  Night 2 in Hollywood could only get better, and it did.  Guest judge Katie Perry was wearing a low cut shirt and pissed off the other judges, finally some controversy.  I’ve been without Jersey Shore for 6 days now so this was much needed for my own moral. 

The bright spot of the show was this dudebro from Compton.  Look for this brother in the later rounds.

Night 1 – Dallas: Guest judge Neil Patrick Harris himself, need I say more.  From a perfect score on his SAT at six, to hanging out the sunroof of a moving car doing blow off a hookers ass, all while on shrooms and driving, both very impressive feats.

That unicorn reminds me of a comparison Daniel Tosh recently made to the world’s largest model.  A 7 foot model is like a unicorn, it’s unique, magical and probably has a dick

And so I digress……similar to the first two nights in Hollywood, Dallas was also disappointing in regard to talent.  Afterall, this is where my future ex-wife Kelly Clarkson was discovered setting the bar very, very, very high.  The show started out with a girl whos auditioned several times with no luck.  That said, she had the blilliant idea of making a sign that says “This is my year”.  Unfortunately she ran out of space at the end due to poor planning and had to cram the last few letters of her name into a few inches.  Nice work dumbass.  A national television appearance might be a decent reason for a “redo” when you’ve realized you fucked up.

Shortly after, the show got promising with a young woman that started her career on the set of Barney & Friends, little girl on the left in the pic below.   However, things got weird when she came out dressed as a full on dominatrix and began to sing the Barney theme song.  Nonetheless, she made it through to Hollywood but I can assure you will see nothing of her in the later rounds.  One might conclude that all pedophiles have moustaches, but not all men with moustaches are pedophiles.  I’m not sayin, but im just sayin that I bet Barney had a moustache under that mask.

The show finished with this guy doing a song he wrote about auditioning for the show, sounds cheesy I know, but he actually did a damn good job.  I think he has potential so look for him in Hollywood.

Til next week. Peace.

JD Salinger passed away today giving Seifnutz an early 9 point lead.  Luckily he didn’t earn any bonus points with this pick.  Thank god.  My money is on him to win back-to-back titles this year.

Charles Hamilton’s Hockey Kitty

If you’re a sports person, then I’m sure you’ve seen the clip of Lebron rapping to himself at the end of the Lakers v Cavaliers game the other night.  Here’s the video of it with the song dubbed over.

From Swedish group jj.  I really just like how Lil Wayne’s verse from Trina’s Don’t Trip sounds with this beat.

Heidi Montag’s “Superficial” is a complete bomb, selling fewer than 1,000 copies, according to Nielsen SoundScan.  How much was spent to release this album?  Only $2M….  Congrats to Heidi.

me: yo, you.   what do you got going on Friday night
Friend: hockey tourney starts friday so ill probably go out with boys, not sure though
me: oh yeah, yeah,  ok.  i was given 2 tickets in our suite for the game on friday.  what game, you may ask
Friend: gopher hockey
me: you’re damn right its for the TWolves game
Friend: yikes.  you should take a date
me: i dont have ‘V’s’ number
Friend: she is taken anyways.  you caould take your sister
me: taken, ha, im sure thats what the dude thinks.   would ‘L’ want to go?
Friend: with you, yes, obviously.  shed blow you in the bathroom while your boss watches.  that is, if you buy her a beer
me: beers are free, perfect
Friend: so do you need her #
me: and we have a private bathroom in the suite
Friend: couldnt get any better…..unless you could get rick rickert himself to watch

I received the following email from T$ on Thursday around 11am….

“Royce White (I think it was him) nearly ran me over in the bookstore on Tuesday. Let me repeat, Royce White was in the bookstore.

I didn’t see him buying any books but his physical presence surprised me. Maybe he’s just fucking one of the checkout girls and I should think nothing of it.

Anyways, after he nearly ran me over by walking in the out line AND on the wrong side of the isle he said “ohh, sorry man”. Good mannered thief. Seems like a nice negro.”

Week 1 provided us with a few talented individuals and the standard “I promise I don’t normally sound like complete shit, my allergies are acting up and I caught laryngitis this morning” contestants that the AI directors love showing in the first few weeks.  Week 2 was more of the same, except without the few talented individuals.  Unfortunately, I think this is what turns people off from the show, well that, and people like Clay Aiken.  That said, this week’s stops in Chicago and Orlando were a complete joke!  Almost as much of a joke as The Situation getting his own show on MTV, I wonder what the shows going to be called, anyone have any guesses? 

So with very little to work with for the week there was one girl that stood out, Angela Martin.  Good voice, effortless, little funk and a little Mary J vibe.  Most importantly, I remembered her at the end of the 2 hours.  Good luck in Hollywood Angela. 

Before I go any further I’d like to give a shout out to Mallorie Haley, my top pick from Week 1.  Apparently she found her way to the site and read my review which makes it nearly impossible for me to top my first week here at RR.com.  So Mallorie, if you make it back here and are reading this, any chance for an interview?  If not, no worries, but if you know Rick Rickert, any chance I could get an interview with him?  Let me know, thanks.

Ok moving on.  There was one guy this week that did a pretty cool beat box version of the Beatles Come Together.  He reminded me a lot of Blake Lewis from a few seasons back, except not as good.  After pioneering the beatbox and singing at the same time with “If your Mother Only Knew”, Rahzel makes everyone else who attempts this genre look like me trying to play Louisville Chugger in the 28^th inning, yea, real shitty.  Anyways, he was entertaining, but I don’t think he will go far.

After this, things got weird.  First, Ryan Seacrest picked up one the contestants kids while celebrating.  For liability reasons, I’ll keep my comments to myself on this one.

Then the week closed with an American Idol first.  Not only would this grenade chaser not leave after being asked by security, it took a full fledged face to ground arrest to get him out of there.  Classic.

Well there you have it; week 2 is in the books with little to show for potential season finalists.  If next week is this poor of a turnout I might start doing guest judge analysis for the weeks until we get to Hollywood.  Either that or I’ll just do a weekly column on Speidy.  Peace.

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It’s been a while since I posted music (my typical fallback when I have nothing else to post), so lets open your ears to some of jams I’ve been listening to.

The Hood Internet – The XX Gon’ Give It To Ya (DMX x The XX) by hoodinternet

The Hood Internet – I Dream Of Capricorn (Anti-Pop Consortium x Maps) by hoodinternet

So, after deciding to turn down the millions of dollars Royce could have made in the NBA, he decided to make a run with his entertainment company.  White and Brown Entertainment.  Genius idea.  Who knows if he actually formed a company with actual documentation or if he knows anything about running a business or operating a website, because this is what his company’s website looks like today. Looks like Royce forgot to actually buy the domain name before linking to the website via his YouTube account and Twitter page.  This is really too funny.  The guys is a moron and needs a lot of help.  Yeah, he does.

The kid that plays The Situation and is always lifting up his shirt is pretty funny.

First off, I’d like to thank the man, Mr.RicketyRickert himself for giving me the opportunity join the Rickrickert.com staff.  Although I am confident this internship will provide me no professional benefit in any way, shape or form, it will provide me with a medium to express the worthless crap that I think of on a daily basis. 

To start my career here at RR.com, I decided it would be smart to fall back on a topic I know well for my first post.  Unfortunately, this left me with very few choices: Corporate Finance, Persian Rugs, Jersey Shore & American Idol.  After hours of deep thought, I decided to assume the role of official Rick Rickert 2010 American Idol Analyst.  Boom Dizzle.  So here it goes.

American Idol: Week 1

Here are some general items I would like to clear up before we get started.

1. The weeks leading up to Hollywood are worthless, yet slightly entertaining.  They consist of 3 types of contestants:
   1. Average to good singers that make it through to Hollywood
   2. Average singer, woman, 9 or a 10, fillers used by the producer to keep the guys forced by their girlfriends to watch the show every week happy
   3. Terrible/Annoying/Shitty singers whose family and friends are assholes for telling them they are the next American Idol with a straight face and then driving them to the auditions
2. It’s all about song choice.  If I sing The Hey Song they play at hockey games, my performance will likely be more tolerable than if I pick a Mariah Carey track.  So throughout the season my analysis will reflect this by probably not liking the best singer, rather liking a good singer that picks good songs.
3. I do, and will always, have a crush on Kelly Clarkson.

So Week 1 analysis will be short and to the point because we only get to see a fraction of the real contenders.  In terms of talent there was really one that sticks out in my mind, Mallorie Haley.  Consistent with my point above, average singer, good song choice (Joplin) and didn’t look like she was trying too hard.  Plus she is the hottest girl South Dakota has ever produced, which doesn’t hurt her cause.  

Besides her, there were a few noteworthy, but none too memorable that might have a chance at making it deep into the season.  However, there were a few that stood out, just not as contenders. 

Exhibit A: This guy closed the show and was great.  He performed his unreleased, self written hit, “(Lookin Like a Fool) Pants on the Ground”.  I interpreted this gem as a cry out again the youth looking like fools, with their pants on the ground.  Unfortunately no Golden Ticket was awarded due primarily to missing the age requirement by 34 years. 

Exhibit B: Dear Carmen & Laura, you both are trainwrecks.  I give you both a thumbsdown in both categories of singing and makeup application. 

Exhibit C:  Blake, you are without doubt, the shit.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t judge your performance because I was busy googling “Britney Changed My Life T-Shirt” so I could order one of my own.  Sorry, but Im sure everyone loved you.

Well that is all for now, after 2 nights of Idol, I’m ready for some fist pumping tonight.  PS. Rick, thanks for making my login password “i blow goats”.

The new issue of Esquire was delivered today with Blake Lively on the cover.  I’m not Wikipediaing it.  Can you please comment on who the hell Blake Lively is?!  Thank you.

RickRickert.com now holds the #1 and #2 Google search results for Fillionair.

Tonight.

5:30pm

Michigan State favored by 7 pts

My money is on Michigan State.

Fillionair!

This past Sunday I was at Afton participating in some gnar hucking with CNutz and her co-worker.  Later in the day we found ourselves sitting around the fire and having a nice little chat about black people.  However, I didn’t realize that there was one sitting around at fire as well (that sentence sounds bad).  Turns out that this guy is a local celebrity.  He goes by the name Fillionair.  I thought it would have been Phillionaire, like he was from Philly, but it’s Fillionair because you turn to him when you need a fill-in.  Got it?  No?  Moving on.  He’s a producer, sounds like he’s more into house, techno type crap.  He’s got a few beats online that you can check out at InDaBa Music.  I listened to a few songs….. Groove Farts and Go Ahead…..not reall the music that I would listen to.  I think I’ve heard better noises come out of Skor Beats’ bedroom.  So why am I writing about him?  I thought that I should do a post because when you perform a Google search for Fillionair, he’s not the #1 result, but like #5.  I’m going to put Fillionair all over my post in hopes of becoming the #1 search result.  So now I’m going to do a Google Image search for Fillionair and post the best picture on the first page of results (only 1 search result….looks like a dog in a bed).