A fan site dedicated to the worst product from the U of M

Night 1 – Hollywood:  Another night of complete horse shit.  The show peaked with its first performer, this chickdude pictured below doing a hot Meatloaf track while sweating profusely.  If I could use two words to describe his lead in and performance, I’d go with fucking awkward.  So thanks for that AI.

From there, we got a random honky doing karate scenes on a rooftop and several Adam Lambert lookalikes.  AI was kind enough to not even give a glimpse of a real contestant the first night.  Night 2 in Hollywood could only get better, and it did.  Guest judge Katie Perry was wearing a low cut shirt and pissed off the other judges, finally some controversy.  I’ve been without Jersey Shore for 6 days now so this was much needed for my own moral. 

The bright spot of the show was this dudebro from Compton.  Look for this brother in the later rounds.

Night 1 – Dallas: Guest judge Neil Patrick Harris himself, need I say more.  From a perfect score on his SAT at six, to hanging out the sunroof of a moving car doing blow off a hookers ass, all while on shrooms and driving, both very impressive feats.

That unicorn reminds me of a comparison Daniel Tosh recently made to the world’s largest model.  A 7 foot model is like a unicorn, it’s unique, magical and probably has a dick

And so I digress……similar to the first two nights in Hollywood, Dallas was also disappointing in regard to talent.  Afterall, this is where my future ex-wife Kelly Clarkson was discovered setting the bar very, very, very high.  The show started out with a girl whos auditioned several times with no luck.  That said, she had the blilliant idea of making a sign that says “This is my year”.  Unfortunately she ran out of space at the end due to poor planning and had to cram the last few letters of her name into a few inches.  Nice work dumbass.  A national television appearance might be a decent reason for a “redo” when you’ve realized you fucked up.

Shortly after, the show got promising with a young woman that started her career on the set of Barney & Friends, little girl on the left in the pic below.   However, things got weird when she came out dressed as a full on dominatrix and began to sing the Barney theme song.  Nonetheless, she made it through to Hollywood but I can assure you will see nothing of her in the later rounds.  One might conclude that all pedophiles have moustaches, but not all men with moustaches are pedophiles.  I’m not sayin, but im just sayin that I bet Barney had a moustache under that mask.

The show finished with this guy doing a song he wrote about auditioning for the show, sounds cheesy I know, but he actually did a damn good job.  I think he has potential so look for him in Hollywood.

Til next week. Peace.