A fan site dedicated to the worst product from the U of M

I like to spend my Sunday morning watching the Saturday Night Live, and last nights episode seemed to be one of the best collective shows in a long time.  JLo hosted and performed and did a very good job.

It started out making fun of the We Are the World Haiti version, a very good topic since the song was really really really horrible.  Seriously.  Look at the Wikipedia entry for who performed on it. Swizz Beatz, Nipsey Hussle, Nicole Richie’s baby, Mya, Vince Vaughn, and on and on.

The first skit was another in SNL’s line of ESPN Classic.  This one is the 1987 Ladies World Cup of Curling sponsored by Gyne-Lotrimin.  When you’ve got something fungal down in your lady jungle.

The next skit was Telemundo covering the winter Olympics and wondering why anyone likes the winter Olympics.  ”All these sports are on snow or ice. Why would they do this?  These are bad slippery surfaces.”

Spoof on the Undercover Boss show using Steve Jobs, Sir Richard Branson, the Olsen Twins, and Martha Stewart.  Clever and well done.

What could be the last SNL skit involving the amazing Governor David Patterson.

The last skit of the night was even very hilarious.  It involves Keenan using a Shaft type voice to narrating a potential office romance that turns downhill quickly.

Gay or not gay?

There are 2 things that I dislike in the world.

1. Soccer
2. Hippies

But a funny thing happened today, I read an article dealing with both of these things and I really liked the idea.  It’s like multiplying by negative numbers!

For this years World Cup (I think it’s this year) the 9 teams sponsored by Nike will all be wearing jerseys made from recycled plastic bottles.  A Taiwanese supplier  cuts up, melts, and spins plastic bottles into a yarn for the shirts.  Each shirt will consist of 100% recycled polyester and approximately eight plastic bottles.  Nike is also using 13 million plastic bottles to produce jerseys for fans.  In total Nike’s initiative will stop 560,000 pounds of polyester waste from being dumped in landfills.   Cool right?  Maybe for the next World Cup the can use this technique to make the soccer scarves that white people love to wear.  Go Soccer!

So I have this birthday coming up and I think I finally found the perfect gift that you, the readers, can get me.  Peep this hot Louis Vuitton bag!  It’s basically everything that I look for in a bag, being completely nonfunctional as a bag.  First off, I don’t really need people seeing the contents of my bag.  Open up the bag I carry from home to work and to class and you will find a bottle of water, maybe some Uncrustables, a laptop, hockey puck, an 8×10 autographed photo of Lisa Turtle, the Minnesota Daily, a SARS/Bird Flu mask, bottle of lotion, a fruit cup and a brand new copy of Speaking to Girls Offline for Dummies.  That’s a typical day for me.  I guess the other problem I would have with this bag is that there are giant openings everywhere.  I think the main purpose of a bag is to carry and/or hold things.  This bag doesn’t appear to do that, so is it really bag?  Hmmmm, there’s a brain teaser for you.

Welcome to the top 24 and a new format; Tuesday night – 2 hours and each girl performs one solo performance, Wednesday night – 2 hours and each guy performs one solo performance, Thursday night – 1 hour and 2 guys and 2 girls go home. Yes 5 hours, what more could you ask for?  I’d ask for better than a 1:50 ratio of decent entertainment to horseshit.  Since 4 are going home tonight I thought I’d throw out some predictions today and then recap my favorites from the week tomorrow.  In spite of my negativity, racism and sexism, there are at least 5 out of the group that I really like.

As for the girls….nearly all of them blew huge cock on Tuesday night, huge Canadian cock, and by Canadian, I mean black.  Nearly all the performances fell into the category of shitty or forgettable.  Unfortunately, one of my favorites, Haeley Vaughn had an incredibly annoying performance and is at risk of going home tonight.  My other two picks are Janell Wheeler and Ashley Rodriguez.

I thought the guys actually did Ok last night; however, the bar was set very low by the girls so it’s tough to judge.  My predictions on the boot:  Jermaine Sellers, Tim Urban or John Park. 

In summary, I would choose to listen to drunken/concussed T$ and Dr.JBC do a duet of an Amy Grant track at the Vegas Lounge over 19 of the 24 performances this week.

Sorry about talking about music again, but I felt the need to.  I was listening to some internet radio this morning and Alicia Keys’ Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart came on.  It was the first time that I had heard the original version.  The song is a great, but I’ve only listened to a remixed version which I think is much much better.  Here’s the version that I have which replaces the 2nd verse with Avery Storm.  Which ever one you prefer, it’s tough to argue that this should be one of the best songs of 2010.  Sure it’s early, but I’m saying it.

My new shirts from Design By Humans came today.  If you’re out Saturday in downtown Mpls, you might see me in the Lil Wayne shirt.  The other shirts….. why would I not want one with a giant bear on it or one with a beautiful wolf in a colorful winter scene.  What are your thoughts?

I have no ideas of what to post, so I’ll throw some more music at you.  I really don’t think anyone looks at this or even gives a crap, but we’re doing it anyway!

We’re starting with a chill cut off the upcoming Lupe Fiasco album.  This is a great track to just relax to, perfect listening for my last 2 days at work.

Next we’ll go to Jay Rock’s Life’s a Cycle.  Another quite chill track.  Jay Rock is very outspoken about being a blood, and this song goes into what he would be if he wasn’t a gang member.  He says that he could be at UCLA getting his masters or even his PhD.  I prefer the part that says he could be a scientist because he likes trees, or a botanist.  Rappers are so funny.

Next, Rich Boy’s Cover Girl.  I like Rich Boy.  It’s hard to not like a guy who enjoys throwing D’s on things.  Again, another very chill song. Here he’s talking to all the ladies, but mostly Egyptians and Italians, and wanting them to drop it down and whip it back.

I know absolutely nothing about Crooked I.  I have no idea where he came from or what label he’s on or what set he reps (something called COB which appears to stand for Crip or Blood, and that makes no sense to me).  Anyway he raps over John Hitt’s favorite song of all time, Fireflies!  If you know who John Hitt, then you probably already know about his love for Fireflies.  The highlight of this song is the end when he tries to sing the chorus, which is tough to do when you barely know the words.  Enjoy.

Well since I usually overpromise and underdeliver, I decided to go against the grain this evening and actually make a post in a timely fashion.  Id like to appoligize for the lack of analysis last week and in return, I’d like to provide you with a spectacular image my esteemed colleague T$ sent me tonight.

Jupa? Junt?  Not sure.

So here we go….Week 6 was huge, after lots of tears and hearing “this is it for me, I am meant for this, this is all I know how to do” all night long, we were left with the top 24 at the end of the night, 12 girls and 12 guys.  To keep things simple, this week im going to provide you with my favorite guys and girls and provide a highlight from their performances to date.

Girls: The judges keep saying the girl talent this year is the best ever, I disagree but here are my five favorites in no particular order Didi Benami (a pick from week 4), Katie Stevens, Haeley Vaughn (a pick from week 4), Siobhan Magnus and Crystal Bowersox.  Since my boss here at rr.com has disabled my ability to post vids, heres a link to few noteworthly clips.  (Editor: But I’m awesome enough to embed the videos for you because you’re retarded)

Guys: Andrew Garcia & Toddrick Hall (both picks from week 3), Tyler Grady and Casey James. Heres a few clips.

Til next week.

WTF is that thing?! For those of you that said “Oh yeah, it’s a female urinary device that lets girls stand with the boys when going to the bathroom,”   YOU’RE RIGHT!

Let’s look at some numbers.  Sarah Dillon (founder/creator/owner?) sold about 2,000 of these “GoGirls” every day of last summer’s Minnesota State Fair.  EVERY DAY!?!  Let’s look at this.   In 2009, 1,790,497 people attended the Great Minnesota Get Together over the 12-days span, so let’s round up generously with 150,000 per day.  Let’s assume that 60% of the attendance is female, I can give you reasons why I’d assume that, but lets roll with it.  90,000 women a day.  Now lets cut out 50% to account for women under 18 and over 55, because I want to.  That means that for every 1000 women at the Minnesota State Fair, 44 bought one of these contraptions.

Who are the people that bought one?  Is there any chance that one of my readers purchased this thing?  There must be someone out there.  If so, us at Rick Rickert.com would like to conduct an interview.  We will fly you to Minneapolis for a 2-on-1 or 3-on-1 interview and all the Boone’s Farm you can drink.

Back to the Go Girl, projected sales are for over 1 million this year.  So watch out guys, there will probably be a girl standing next to you at a trough during the upcoming Twins season.  Hopefully the new stadium still has troughs.

It’s Monday, so that means it’s time for me to post some random music that I’ve been bumping.  And as usual, it’s all rap.

Maino starts us with his ode to the cheater of the year, Tiger Woods.  How great is that.  Tiger gets caught having an extramarital affair with a dozen or so women and he get’s a freaking anthem.  I just picture his caddy Steve caring a ghetto blaster over his shoulder playing this song as they walk to the number #1 tee at Augusta.  It could happen.

Next up is another Wiz Khalifa song, This Plane.  Mr. Wiz Khalifa has a tattoo on his chest/stomach/abdomen area of the Martin Luther King Jr. quote which says “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”  Great quote.  I would actually get this tattooed on me, but don’t know where I would put it.  Maybe around my neck.  I could use a good neck tattoo.

Next up is Big Sean with Supa Dupa Lemonade.  Are you asking who Big Sean is?  Well I have no idea, so ask someone else.  What is Supa Dupa Lemonade?  I don’t know, maybe it’s lemonade mixed with vodka, red bull and watermelon Boone’s Farm.  Sounds like a good mix.  Lemonade is what Canadians call yellow diamonds.  So maybe this song is about giant yellow diamonds.  Probably not.  It’s most likely about hoes.  This song has a funny line in it @ 1:50 “i’m superbad your girl probably doodling my dick” (you get it, referring to the movie superbad when Jonah goes through his phase of drawing dicks all over).  This song also bumps hard when played loud.

“Boy, he doesn’t need a lot of room to get off”

I’m sure he does’t…….

The Special Olympics.  No, not those Special Olympics.  A number of games that special people compete in.  No, not those kind of Special people.  This event was put on by T$ and the Perjican, so you should know that a lot of alcohol will be involved and the games will be extra Canadian (use your own definition of Canadian).

Nightly events included rock band, USA shots, a bunch or random people akwardly standing around, pin the tail on the donkey, more akward standing around, shitty music, zak effron wearing the skinniest jeans every produced, shots of tequila, and more.

The highlight of the night came with the 2nd event, Doubles Boone’s Farm Drinking.  So the rules of the game are the first team to finish their bottle of Boone’s Farm advances.  My partner for the night was a nice guy with African-American decent, so I use my smarts and select Watermelon flavored Boone’s Farm  Man can this guy drink his Watermelon Boone’s Farm.  The bottle was 3/4 gone by the time he stopped drinking.  So we dominate the competition.  No one came close.

On to the worst competition, and last competition of the night, eat a plateful of apples soaked in alcohol and then drink a milk shake.  Are you serious?  Combine 2 great things into one stupid event?  Anyway, my partner is barely able to function and a girl keeps dumping her apples on my plate, so we don’t have a chance.  And seriously, drink a milk shake?  Why would I drink a milkshake after drinking all night?  So I didn’t really go all out on this competition, but this is where my new favorite photo took place at.

To give you some background on this picture, about 10 minutes after a couple showed up we had already managed to switch the topic to Rick Rickert.  We were able to do so because the gal was familiar with Rick Rickert and even remembered a specific event from his college days.  She claims that on the day that Rick Rickert announced his decision to leave the U and enter the NBA draft, Centennial Hall windows spelled out “Suck A Dick Rick”.  This would have been during my sophomore season, and I wouldn’t have found my way to the dorms often enough to see this.  I conducted some research on the topic by typing “Suck a dick rick” into the Google machine.  6 results, 3 dealing with Rick Ross, 1 linked to MySpace, another to Twitter, and the last was titled Poop Eater….nice.  So after writing this, I can’t wait to hopefully become the 7th search result for the phrase “Suck a dick Rick”.  Is that enough of a backstory?  Good, enjoy the photo as much as I have.  This could be a future T-Shirt design for us.

Dear Dr. JBC & T$,

For telling the Purge that I wouldn’t interrupt his amazing Idol posts, I’m finding myself unable to do so.  Came across the trailer for the upcoming spin-off from the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  The intro scene has the caveman dude, Aziz Ansari, Russel Brand, and Puff Diddy Daddy.  This is a can’t miss, unless you didn’t like Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  And if you didn’t like Forgetting Sarah Marshall then you don’t have a sense of humor and you shouldn’t be at RickRickert.com

I promised the Persian Idol that I wouldn’t interrupt is dualy post on American Idol…..but I had to……with this phenomenal Valentine’s Day card.  This is for all my readers.

Well after rightfully getting shit on by my lovely boss here at rickrickert.com as well as my 1 or 2 fans complaining, here is a little flavor of the week with a more in depth analysis to follow.

Andrew Garcia, first brought to the forefront in my week 3 analysis, killed it on Tuesday night.  He ripped off an ill acoustic version of Paula Abdul’s Straight up.  By far by favorite contestant coming out of the week.

Just for shits, here’s the original.  We will always love you Paula.

This past weekend, the top performing employees of Rick Rickert.com were treated to an all expenses paid trip to New York (just one of the benefits of working for an amazing company).  I put up 4 pictures from the trip.  Let’s walk through them.

Saturday we drove in the city.  The barge/ship thing was not meant to be the focal point of this photo.  Instead, this is where Sully McSullyson landed the plane in the Hudson, so I guess this river would be the Hudson River and that land on the other side would be New Jersey.

This is Mike.  Our buddy Nick thinks that this photo would make a great cover image for when he releases his first album.  Do you concur?  I concur.  I think we’re at Time Square in this photo, I’m not 100% sure though.

I popped off this photo at Saint Patrick’s Cathedral.  Those Catholics really enjoyed building massive churches.  I forget the stats about this church, but it’s big.

Here’s a shot of the ceiling of the church.  Real tall ceiling.  Huge.

According to this months Esquire magazine, the Euphemism of the Month is:

Visiting the Outer Provinces

Meaning: Having sex with body parts that are not normally had sex with (like a knee pit).

Have you visited the outer provinces lately?

I felt like posting some pictures that I recently popped off.

The first image comes from Skyscape, and is of our dear friend T$.  The last time I posted I random picture of a friend, a reader emailed me to inform me that he knew that guy.  I don’t think that will happen again, but I’ll keep my fingers crossed.  I think the image is appropriate…….

The next picture comes to use from the worst airport in the US, Detroit Metropolitan Airport.  This little lady decided to crawl into a space between a plant and column in order to get a better view of the wall.  I have no idea why or what she was doing.  I was very close to alerting the authorities.